Soul searching

I’ve been thinking quite a lot about my new life lately. Ricky had to go back to work after our short holiday together – but for me holiday was still a way of living. At least, until I get my temporary residence permit, that’s what I thought.

I was somehow resembling with the character of the best-seller Eat, Pray, Love (which I’m reading now, by the way), Liz, in pursuit of her happiness, the only difference being that she ran from her past, a messy divorce and a broken relationship, in three different places: Italy, India and Indonesia, each for three months.

I don’t want to go further with any details and absolve you from the pure pleasure of reading– better read the book, it’s quite good stuff- but her inspirational journey seeking pleasure, devotion and balance in life can be as well mine. I’m not trying to push away my past by embracing life in South Africa, nor to forget what it feels like to walk in the busy center of Bucharest and the few stressful days at work. Strictly said, I’m not her with the purpose of rediscovering myself, but to create a new life together with my husband. So I guess the pleasure ride is solved by now.

However, each day I’m spending here in South Africa gets me closer to redefining myself in ways I didn’t know they existed before. It is not a three months experiment as Liz may find herself in, it is in fact a life. My life. Two months have already passed since I’m here. If I had to describe them, I would say a mix of love, pleasure, freedom, discovery, anxiety, sadness, restless. I can’t say anything of devotion, except that I’ve been really blessed with a loving husband, a marriage I really dreamed of and a cozy place to live. If God hears me now, thank you for caring about me, right now, somewhere in South Africa.

And perhaps God wanted to give me the most precious gift of all, after life – freedom. Because, since I’m there, my life has turned into a laid-back, continuously – Where are we going tonight? question or What books shall I read today? I got plenty of time now for the sweet pleasures in life – books, movies and playing games –scrabble- are almost everyday entertainment. I can feel growing this side of playfulness inside me, seeing time as my funny best pal sometimes, mostly when I and Ricky escape from the confort of our homes to join friends at a braai or having drinks at Eastwoods or Livingstone’s.

I know the next day I’ll wake up lazy as always –sometimes I do wake up even at 7am to read a book- and think about what should I cook for breakfast, what should I wear on and where should I go today, as my car, a bright white BMW 320d, model 2002 (Ricky spoils me a lot, I know) quietly waits for me in the garage. We decided on getting a second car, besides his 2 seated Opel Corsa bakkie, to afford going out while he’s working and later on, in April, taking all my family out in town in a 5 seated car, where there’s enough room for everybody.

Let’s just say that it’s more than a luxury now – it’s a necessity purely given the fact that in South Africa there’s no public transport like most of Europe – no underground whatsoever. Mostly, the taxis are scarce and the big ones resemble the maxi-taxi of Romania – more like a small bus with maximum 20 seats. The only difference is that blacks take it – I think there’s a chance of one to billion to see a white guy jumping on that taxis. I couldn’t care less now, as they are extremely dangerous (most accidents in South Africa involve such taxis) and a no-no for those who can afford a decent car.

What about trains then? I have seen rail tracks, but few trains whatsoever. The only trains I can think of now are the fancy ones perfectly for tourists to discover the country from Johannesburg to Cape Town or far east to Durban, on the shore of Indian Ocean. But again, I reckon that the prices are not for the faint hearted, as I’m talking about luxury trains – tourism is one of the best known industries here, anyway.

Besides of solving my transport problem in mid-January, I’ve been lucky enough to solve my “loneliness during the day” problem, while Ricky was at work. Christelle and Lizzelle gave me the perfect excuse – a white bundle of fur which I named Snowflake – quite a cute name for a one month white cat, isn’t it? Snowflake is now three months old and her playfulness reminds me of my black cat I’ve sadly left in Bucharest, Pisi.

I haven’t seen Pisi growing up under my eyes, as I was busy with work back then from 9 to 5. Now I experience this beautiful thing with Snowflake – she gets to sit on my lap for hours, I hear her purring in the morning while she tries to put her claws in my hair – she likes that- and I know I’m not going everywhere to leave her home for a long time – perhaps a half an hour at the shops or maybe two if I feel like going to a mall. But shopping isn’t really my big thing now.

I can’t believe how much I changed when it comes to shopping, that is every girl shopping on clothes, bags, shoes and accessories. I used to be a big spender in Bucharest - shopping was like the usual way to spend weekends and even weekdays. Now, with all the summer clothes brought with me and some pairs of shoes, I don’t feel the need of adding extra weight to my wardrobe. I got some pairs of sandals, a dark jeans and two flirty tops and that says it all. Maybe it’s time for a new session soon.

The real “problem” here is that I learned to spare myself of financial problems now. Budgeting was like Chinese to me, now I’m making efforts to save for buying furniture and electrical equipment for home and make sure we have enough food on the table. Ricky is the only one working now so I feel terribly guilty at times. That’s my main concern – getting a job, launching a business, find ways to multiply my brought in money from Romania.

I know it won’t be easy, but I never thought it will be that hard or that I’ll miss so much my years as a business journalist, my colleagues at Wall-Street, the online newspaper I used to work at for almost two years of my Bucharest life. I must admit, I really miss those times, I want to wake up in Bucharest sometimes, I want to go to office and gossip with my favourite girls, write articles, go for press conferences at the Hilton and snap on my way the delicious French croissants made in heaven (that is French Bakery).

“Wake up now, you’re in sunny South Africa. You have so much to give and explore”, I convince myself. My boundaries are widening, I’m no longer that girl who comes home from work, jumps in front of TV and surfs the net every night until 1am. I actually have the laid-back life I craved for, with enough time to read, go out with my lover (I couldn’t go out so often in Bucharest, partly because everyone was busy with their mate, while my boyfriend was 10.000km away, smiling from a frozen webcam) and experimenting with food – that is, if you remember Liz I told you about, her real pleasure in Italy, food.