What really matters

My parents left on 3rd May. I had them closer for two weeks, long enough to know that mom will always be the excessive caretaker in my life – she always has her well-intentioned advices with her – and genuinely wants to take care of everything, in her own way, which is “always better”.

Fortunately, she loved our cute house with garden, just like in fairytales. Dad was always passionate about technology and made sure I’ve got everything I need in place, including the latest software. Since technology is more expensive in this country, I was more than happy. Unlike my mom, dad is always calm and the perfect observer, but that doesn’t mean he’s not involved in my life as much as mom. He knows that I can decide most things for myself. Plus, I’ve got my husband now and together we know we can do anything.

Alice was cool. She’s my youngest sister. We couldn’t stand each other when we were kids, always arguing and perhaps competing against each other. My childhood was very different than hers – I was the outcast, she was the popular. Only in the past years I said to myself that I won’t let this stupid game get me mad anymore. I was quite happy with my life and I began to forget the unwanted part of my past. Today I can say that any of us has her own life and not feel a grudge on each other. She was very nice to me and couldn’t wait to go shopping or swimming together.

I’ve always been the stubborn one and cherished my own moments, but strangely as I find it, I really miss them, even the part with mom nagging me about making the food or the fact that my clothes are not perfectly placed in my wardrobe. Or dad’s support in anything – when I was a kid I always used to ask him for advice, because he could discuss and share his opinion calmly. I realize that, sometimes, I miss his support as well.

What really made me happy was their chance to see me in my new world. I’ve changed a lot, partly because my mentality shifted from the jolly journalist girl who’s committed to her job and gets the money to the survival chick who uses her mind to find ways of improving and growing herself. Changes make you aware of better lives and I strongly believe that.

Apart from seeing the wildlife in Kruger Park, cruising to see the canyon and the magnificent surrounds, spending quiet time at braais or having fancy dinner for my dad’s 52th birthday (which I wanted to be included in their trip) or the nice shopping sprees in Pretoria malls, I couldn’t help having moments asking myself what will happen after their leave? I wasn’t sad, I was just aware of my life and its challenges. The holiday is gone for good.

The truth is that realized that I’ve grown so much to the point that my desires and wishes are very different from my parents’. The next step is not their next move. Their worries are not necessary mine. Finding yourself and ways of living a quality better life was not their main “mantra”. There are some things I’ve learned while standing still in my peaceful garden here in South Africa. And really in that peaceful environment you can touch your thoughts and listen to the voices inside your head – your gut feeling, your inspiration or whatever one may call it.

Firstly, that everything happens for a reason and I’m here in this place for a reason. Perhaps I met Ricky for the same reason. Perhaps my growing route wasn’t there in my country. Maybe the next big thing in my life needed to happen in a new fresh place. Maybe it was the calling for the new adventure of my life.

Secondly, the fact that life needs to be live at its best right now, not tomorrow. When change and opportunity come, it’s best to take it. I could have stayed another 5 years or more in my country, I could have waited more or convince him to take the step, but I simply didn’t. I read in a book a powerful phrase “neither of us knows how many tomorrows we have left”. It’s a scary thought. Imagine you would have only one year to live and all the picture would change completely. Surely you will do the crazy things you always wanted. I always wanted to pursue things differently.

Thirdly, rethink your place in this world. If one’s only working to get money so one can have a better car that would be most probably useless. World won’t progress like that. One won’t progress as a person. My place in this world is not to get A JOB and make SOME MONEY enough to not die of hunger. My place in this world is TO LOVE AND FEEL LOVED, TO SHARE, TO INSPIRE, TO GET WISER, TO ENJOY FREEDOM. To think outside the box how can I be helpful to mankind and start with the people around me. That means TO BE HAPPY and to make others happy.

To be happy means to be free in the first place, to do the things you always wanted. People sacrifice their freedom for money. It’s a vicious cycle. You get a job, you have money, but you don’t have enough time to enjoy other pleasures in life or to spend them wisely – I’m not referring here at going out for a coffee in town, I’m talking about having a free month to go anywhere you want in this world, anytime you want and how many times you want a year. That’s freedom.

I have all the freedom I could ask now. I don’t have to let go of my nice cup of tea every morning in order to hurry to a job. The only thing I need now to complete the picture is the financial freedom. The money. Not the money you work for, the money you make it yourself, the money that work for you. This is probably the most difficult thing I’ll ever do. Fight for it. Think of it. Visualize it. It’s extremely hard as I have to get rid of my “secured job mentality”. Nothing is secured in this life. And the job mentality is somehow still attached to my brain – I’m considering further working in media while doing my own thing. One day I will have the power to escape the job thing.

These days I took a deep plunge. My first company was registered yesterday. It won’t guarantee me the financial freedom I’m seeking now, but it’s a step ahead. I want to train myself for business by starting small. I realized this is the only way I’m going to enjoy my time with my kids in the future and my last years. I’ll never give up on the media world – sooner or later I’ll be back in media with fresh ideas. My ideas. Probably I’ll consider it my next business – one in which I must be very well prepared before the big start. Now I’m prepared to learn. I’m in my learning years.

However, I’m constantly looking at media opportunities and reading about media world in South Africa. I can’t help it. Despite of my difficulties, I know that one day I will be back.